Finding Sakina (Tranquility) in Supplication

When du’as (supplications) are answered, life halts and feels almost fragile. The solace it brings is a gentle [Divine] nudge: that your endured pains have never existed. What an incomparable gift.

• • •

Dear God,

In times of distress, I’ve learned that stability is a blessing. That soundness of mind provides you with a complete consciousness necessary to breathe easily. That contentment of the heart is what is needed to move forward.

After every accepted whisper, the only words that dare escape my lips spell of Your praise. I am consistently reminded of Your loving mercy.

You give in abundance; while my being drunkenly wanders in between states of ephemeral highs and lows.

At my lowest, exhaustion weighs heavy on my shoulders and makes room for its closest friend: hopelessness. Together, they wring my soul dry until I am unable to move.

I am always messing up.

In these moments, Your incandescent presence surrounds me with warmth. Words I often fail to remember faintly ring in assurance:

فاتقوا الله ما استطعتم

“So be mindful of God as best as you can…” (64:16).

This desire I have to seek perfection is due to my own soul being once in the very company of Perfection. However, perfection isn’t what You seek from me. It is an attribute only You encompass. What You value most is sincere and utmost striving and effort.

Despite my momentary departures, I now recognize that this cycle of fluctuation in heart sings of a love greater than anything else.

The Most Loving. Most Kind.

My Protecting Friend.

You teach me to never give up on myself or Your endless mercy.

Unspoken Words | Poem

I long for your presence.
My feet guide me to you with ease,
anxious and wanting.
Your eyes are closed
Breathing in and out, lips moving
Whispering praises of God.
I sit and watch
I wish that you’d beckon me to sit beside you.
My arms yearn to wrap themselves around your worn shoulders.

Finally your voice rings
My breath halting,
“Why are you here?”
I answer stupidly, “I don’t know.”

I miss you. I want to be a kid again. I want us to talk with ease. I wish we would love one another openly.

You respond by reaching for the wooden prayer beads at your feet,
Your body turning away from me.

Heaviness floods what is left in my chest,
I fold my hands together awkwardly
Attempting to fill the spaces of my fingers myself.

I miss you. I want to be a kid again. I want us to talk with ease. I wish we would love one another openly.

I know you feel the same way.

Light Is a Gift & a Mercy

At a point in my life where I was feeling extremely low, I would sometimes go to the nearby masjid just to feel some sort of peace. I would go alone and attempt to avoid any interactions. I would try my best to slow down the negative thoughts that ran through my head. Doing this every so often would be the bit of comfort that I needed to urge me to continue on.

On one of the days I was there, a sister who I met for the first time greeted me with the warmest of smiles. She mentioned that I didn’t look at ease, and without further questioning me, she began chatting with me as though we were long-time friends.

Every word she spoke, and every story she shared with me instantly tugged at my heart. I couldn’t stop myself and ended up uncontrollably tearing up like a baby. It was as though my heart found her familiar, and finally opened up after so long.

This embarrassing moment of crying into a stranger’s arms and “randomly” bumping into her on various occasions after that (it was always whenever my heart needed it), was a constant reaffirmation to myself: that people truly cross your path for a reason, and you are sometimes given reminders at moments when you may either be looking for them or not – but in hindsight, when you need them most. And this is one of the biggest mercies.

When my sight becomes a bit foggy and someone with a light like her’s helps me to see His Light a little clearer, this is without a doubt a gift that I am a million times grateful for.

May we all become reflections of His Light for those around us, even for strangers we may speak to only briefly.

• • •

God shows His love and presence through His signs.

Fire with No End | Poem

Broken.

There’s no other word to describe it. You were hesitant to claim that this was the truth at first, but it’s exactly how it looks. The words that kept tumbling out of her mouth were made of fire. It burned even before it touched you.

You know you’ve made mistakes. Plenty. But was there no room for softness?

To a point, you almost don’t exist. You found an asylum sitting in a mesh of green and only with the presence of your thoughts. You’re alone, and free to create a river that stretches as far as you can see.

Is this real? Her eyes; behind them is there a sort of sorrow? Maybe if you squinted hard enough you could see it. It must be there.

Did the horrors make her numb? She had been burnt too.

You realize the fire has become a cycle. And you know that it is possible for you to end it. But already too filled to the brim with the heaviness of words that you’ve been forced to carry; it is more so a hope.

You are a hypocrite in your own eyes. A smile so bright plastered on your face when the sun rises.

But it always sets too soon.

Heart of a Warrior | Poem

It doesn’t seem very real
until seeing someone
a person who I hold
dearly to my heart
a person who has
fought my fights and patched up
my four year old dresses

and when life gets its way
trying with all my might
to attack the stings
of built up emotion
she holds me tight
embracing me in her warmth
and softly caresses
the pinks of my cheeks
wiping the army of tears
that spill mercilessly
easily clearing the pathway to victory
and tells me over and over again
waan ku jecelahay” – “I love you”

seeing that beautiful,
powerful, amazing woman
who grew up with nothing
was gifted with everything
only to lose what
she has worked so hard for

the proof in her calloused,
rough hands
her face, lines carved into
the corners of her eyes and mouth
her once imprinted smile
admired by many
hated by some, faded
replaced with regret
replaced with sadness
replaced with everything
she didn’t deserve

but no matter how dark it may seem
the sleepless nights you go through
the nightmares itching themselves
into your slumber
the loneliness you feel
the nagging, self-destroying thoughts
eating at your mind
don’t

I know you have scars
that keep you reminiscing
about days when
loud voices would echo the walls
the stories you tell me where
you slept on cold, hard floors
bruises that remind you
of the evil in people
misplaced trust and misconstrued words
aimed at no one in particular
—in particular they were aimed at love
and destroyed your very being

nights where you would cry
until your eyes swelled shut
stress making itself home
on your shoulders
adding on to the burden you have to carry
making it heavier
than it already is

yet your love
has been unconditional
never unlearned
just sometimes misunderstood

I don’t know what gave you
the strength to keep going
you separated yourself
from things that didn’t fit
your course of living,
you opened your heart to now

you might’ve been broken
even shattered before
but now there’s only a small tear

sometimes it hurts you—yes
seemingly you feel that
your heart cannot bear the pain
it dares to fall out
and shatter once again
into a million pieces

but I’m here, we’re here
and that is the greatest blessing of all
no matter how many more heartbreaks
you’ve gone through
there are probably more
waiting at your door

you’ve taught me that
you come to realize
along the way
past the pain
that life is great
and love is not so bad


This is my first completed poem that I’ve written. It’s a little emotional and is probably all over the place, I’ll admit. Originally it was meant to be performed as a spoken word piece but something came up (I want to promise that it wasn’t stage fright—though I’d be lying).