living in egypt

As soon as I stepped out of the airport, I remember gulping in the ancient air and instantaneously looking around. I absorbed everything in awe: the ground plastered with sand, the exhaust from the traffic of cars swirling up into the bright blue sky, the worn buildings, and copper-colored people rushing back and forth – their gestures imitating the feeling of every word tumbling out of their mouths. My initial reaction was simply, “Wow.” I was standing in a place that was strikingly beautiful. A treasure of a country with so much history and culture.

After gazing around, we were ushered into a van which took us to our new home, and that was when our new lives began. It took a while for me to officially refer to Egypt as home, quite honestly. I was shocked at how different it was from the states. The poverty in particular haunted me. Seeing mostly women and children on the streets selling tissue packets and trinkets, begging with tears in their eyes, really struck  a cord inside me. I had no idea how to digest the normalcy of it. I didn’t want to experience it another time, however, stumbling upon a scene like this became unavoidable. As time passed, it caused me to become thankful for everything I had been gifted with. A part of me feeling as though I didn’t deserve all I had. My eyes opened up to the world and its realities.

At first, I found the school I was enrolled in, the peculiar habits people had, and the fast-paced dialect people spoke all to be strange. The kids in my class were rowdy and were always laughing – they never seemed to have a bad day. They would play jokes on the teachers, and the teachers would respond with an even funnier joke, or signaled the student to the front of the class to embarrass them with a lighthearted whoopin’. The positive atmosphere of Egypt was refreshing, and I slowly but surely found my place. I came to realize that it wasn’t all that difficult to skip a few unimportant classes and cause a bit of trouble. My days went quickly from sporadic crying sessions alone in the bathroom stall, to filling up plastic bags with brownish water and tossing them onto random schoolmates on the ground floor from the highest floors of the building with my new friends. We were only caught once, because we quickly became experts at finding places to hide in the six-floored labyrinth that was my school.

I became known as “the girl from America”, and my classmates would crowd around me to hear my “American accent.” When the teacher left the classroom during the English final exam (no supervision needed I suppose!), I was bombarded with questions asking what was the difference between desert and dessert. The kids I spoke to taught me Egyptian Arabic words, and in my head I tried to make sense between the new words that easily danced on tongue, and the classical Arabic I was learning at home with our very hilarious but serious teacher.

I felt free. We would indulge in freshly baked bread from the market in our neighborhood, explore various cities with my mom on vans that were always filled to the brink with very sweaty and very insistent people, and binge-watch Nicholas Cage movies with Arabic subtitles – as per our Arabic teacher’s request as he insisted that it would help us learn the language. During Ramadan, Egypt became a place that never slept. My siblings and I happily stuffed our faces with McArabia (the Arab version of a Big Mac) in the latest hours of the night, and woke up to the Fajr athan ringing in our ears. Fridays became an adventure, as we would discover new mosques with our friends – each one adorning even more beautiful architectural designs than the first.

I gradually became accustomed to my new home. Living here, I realized Egypt wasn’t just all pyramids and pharaohs. It was the Egyptian people who made it the treasure that it was – the Mother of All Countries. To this day, I miss it.

Sometimes, when I’m feeling nostalgic, I reminisce those early mornings when our teachers would shout for us to quiet down, straighten out our lines, and all at once our voices would lace together to carry the tune of the country’s anthem:

“Bilady, bilady, bilady laki ḥubbī wa-fu’ādī…”
“My homeland, my homeland, my homeland you have my love and my heart…” 

 

hysterical

my heart cries,
smiles
and laughs
all at the same time
it doesn’t make sense.

my mind chooses not to block out the thoughts
instead it overworks itself,
overthinking being the culprit of it crashing
dizziness overtaking me
every time.

my eyes, searching
for a place far more homelier than here
where the stars shine brighter
and the moon glistens a color I don’t see anywhere else
where I breathe flowers,
and exhale
the words you spoke.

where the excitement in your voice
rings in my ears,
I cherish every moment.

instead I’m far,
trapped
my focus not quite
where I need it to be at times.

always running
towards the seemingly impossible,
quite unsure of what is to
come.

scared
hopeless
here, I feel lonely.

I know the cause
—I can’t help it.

these nails have ripped jagged,
aching lines into my heart.
these scars have long past formed
to be fixed.

and
I don’t know
what
I am to do

with my crying
smiling, laughing
hysterical heart
or with being so
far.

simple rules of life

If you live by these four simple rules, I promise it’ll help you navigate and be more content with the unpredictable nature of life:

  1. There’s nothing wrong with going about things backwards sometimes.
  2. Happiness doesn’t always look the same for everyone.
  3. You can’t let others convince you that you are making a mistake every time your life takes a different route than theirs.
  4. Sometimes getting lost is the best way to get found again.