Heart of a Warrior | Poem

It doesn’t seem very real
until seeing someone
a person who I hold
dearly to my heart
a person who has
fought my fights and patched up
my four year old dresses

and when life gets its way
trying with all my might
to attack the stings
of built up emotion
she holds me tight
embracing me in her warmth
and softly caresses
the pinks of my cheeks
wiping the army of tears
that spill mercilessly
easily clearing the pathway to victory
and tells me over and over again
waan ku jecelahay” – “I love you”

seeing that beautiful,
powerful, amazing woman
who grew up with nothing
was gifted with everything
only to lose what
she has worked so hard for

the proof in her calloused,
rough hands
her face, lines carved into
the corners of her eyes and mouth
her once imprinted smile
admired by many
hated by some, faded
replaced with regret
replaced with sadness
replaced with everything
she didn’t deserve

but no matter how dark it may seem
the sleepless nights you go through
the nightmares itching themselves
into your slumber
the loneliness you feel
the nagging, self-destroying thoughts
eating at your mind
don’t

I know you have scars
that keep you reminiscing
about days when
loud voices would echo the walls
the stories you tell me where
you slept on cold, hard floors
bruises that remind you
of the evil in people
misplaced trust and misconstrued words
aimed at no one in particular
—in particular they were aimed at love
and destroyed your very being

nights where you would cry
until your eyes swelled shut
stress making itself home
on your shoulders
adding on to the burden you have to carry
making it heavier
than it already is

yet your love
has been unconditional
never unlearned
just sometimes misunderstood

I don’t know what gave you
the strength to keep going
you separated yourself
from things that didn’t fit
your course of living,
you opened your heart to now

you might’ve been broken
even shattered before
but now there’s only a small tear

sometimes it hurts you—yes
seemingly you feel that
your heart cannot bear the pain
it dares to fall out
and shatter once again
into a million pieces

but I’m here, we’re here
and that is the greatest blessing of all
no matter how many more heartbreaks
you’ve gone through
there are probably more
waiting at your door

you’ve taught me that
you come to realize
along the way
past the pain
that life is great
and love is not so bad


This is my first completed poem that I’ve written. It’s a little emotional and is probably all over the place, I’ll admit. Originally it was meant to be performed as a spoken word piece but something came up (I want to promise that it wasn’t stage fright—though I’d be lying).

inevitability

All these years of existence boiled down to the one event I feared most. I always prayed for this to never occur. This was my biggest fear. I don’t know how to feel anything else besides sadness. I want to fix things. I always do. People tell me I’m too optimistic. I always want to push people together instead of seeing them part ways – even if that may be for the best.

This whole issue began with the problem of trust and then lack of common ground/incompatibility. There have been smiles, lots of laughs, fights, hugs, yells, tears, and jokes. But nothing could cover up the hole that was always there. They wanted more. Maybe even deserved more. They were given more. But it still wasn’t enough. We weren’t enough. Never good enough. They were the world to me, and it was written for each of us to make separate, unparalleled worlds of our own. This is a test. I know it is. I don’t know whether I’ve passed, will pass or if I’m doomed to fail. Maybe I should have tried harder. It’s already too late.

My entire life I have been searching for one thing and one thing only: happiness. I haven’t found it yet, though I’ve experienced and drowned in many other emotions besides it. Now I’ve realized that happiness isn’t truly attainable – at least not in this world. With people, events and objects; they will always lead you to disappointment at some point.

The only happiness you can ever experience is remembering the Creator. The one Who fashioned you, clothed you, gave you, had mercy upon you, gave you more, and protected you. The only one I can count on is Him. I don’t know if I’ve pleased Him enough, or if I ever will. But He is what you think of Him, and I have hope. He’s all I have. All I ever did have. And life isn’t as perfect as I thought it was as a kid growing up. Also, the concept of change was never one I was fond of. But, change is natural. I just need to understand that. If understood, then letting go and moving on might be natural, and maybe even easy, as well.

give your heart to Allah

We’ve all suffered from − or will eventually be victim to heartbreak. Whether it’s from our family, once-believed lover, studies, careers, or friends. I’ve heard multiple advises from others that heartbreak occurs due to the fact that we have kept those things a little too close to home: our heart. When those things wrap themselves and tie a knot around our hearts; only to disappoint and hurt us, it destroys us. We become a different person after that occurs. Sadness overtakes us and we are unable to return back to the way we once were, either until after a while of recovering, or sometimes never.

I want to share an example that many of us have probably heard of. When someone throws a plate on the ground and the plate breaks into pieces, you could pick up the pieces, arrange them, and try to glue them back together. But the fact of the matter is that it will never be the same. The person has already done enough damage to the plate that the cracks will still be there. This is similar to what heartbreak does to us. It leaves scars.

Our hearts are fragile, and are prone to being damaged. Our hearts are also capable of experiencing beautiful feelings [such as love and being at peace]. The Prophet ﷺ stated in a hadith:

“…There lies within the body a piece of flesh. If it is sound, the whole body is sound; and if it is corrupted, the whole body is corrupted. Verily this piece is the heart” [Bukhari & Muslim].

Allah (swt) also states in the Qur’an:

“O you who believe! take care of your souls; he who errs cannot hurt you when you are on the right way; to Allah is your return, of all (of you), so He will inform you of what you did.” [5:105]

As crazy as it sounds, I believe heartbreak is something that can be prevented. Protect yourself before you lose yourself over something so transient. That doesn’t mean don’t enjoy the blessings Allah has gifted you with. Love is something He has instilled within all of us. But take hold the love of your school, career, family, and relationships in your hands. Never in your heart, because that is when heartbreak occurs. If you keep what you love in your hands, if for some reason it leaves or isn’t part of your life anymore it’ll hurt, but it won’t shatter your whole being because you held them in your hands: a place where you could easily let go.

Allah might put something or someone in your path to test you. We should be careful before letting anything in easily without inspection and full understanding that it is part of the temporary Dunya. The feeling of love is not forbidden, but something you love so much can leave in a split second. Understanding that these things are temporary will make it easier. The ache that comes with heartbreak is just as temporary as the temporary world that caused it. We must understand that.

The arabic word for love “muhabbah”, comes from the root letters “hubb”, which means seed. This seed has been planted in all of our hearts and it’s up to us to nourish and water that seed so it grows into the type of love that we were created for, i.e. love for Allah (swt).

Learn to give your heart to Allah, and to just have eyes for the blessings He gives you. The only love you should keep in your heart is the love of Allah. He’ll never leave, only wants good for you, and will never disappoint. If you’re sincere, that love will manifest within you and become a light in your life. You’ll then experience ultimate happiness. Always, always, always ask Allah for His Love and the Love of those who Love Him, and the Love of every action that brings you closer to His Love.