it’s an odd relationship

“And He gave you from all you asked of Him. And if you should count the favor of Allah, you could not enumerate them. Indeed, mankind is (generally) most unjust and ungrateful.” —Surah Ibrahim [14:34]

My mind cannot wrap around the fact that the Most Merciful allows me to speak to Him, cry out to Him, and to ask of Him. I am not worthy.

Surely a sinner doesn’t deserve mercy? But Allah – whom none can compare to, is our Lord. Even though you feel most undeserving, He still gives. He smiles upon you, wishes the absolute best for you, and His sustenance for you never once falters — even for a bit. He accepts. He understands. He knows. He is the Most Merciful, even when you have foolishly turned away from Him.

Do not turn away from Him. Do not wrong your soul and instead, take a step towards the Ultimate Source of Love — unconditional and pure. Walk towards His mercy, care, understanding, and acceptance. And He promises to run towards you.

revelation

There had been something in my life that I absolutely loved to do. I was excited to jump out of bed hours early, just to plan out the day. I would go above and beyond the expectations because it made me beam with happiness inside. Sometimes the things I would do would be unnecessary and over-the-top, but I didn’t care. It was my love for this striving that blinded me from the trend of “doing just enough to get by.” Alhamdulillah.

However, I wasn’t being noticed for what I was doing —and that crushed my heart. It shouldn’t have. I had to sit down and ask myself: did I expect something in return? Did I wish for a “thank you” or a pat on the back? Was this what I craved? I shook my head with distaste at my attitude and how I was reacting to the current, and unfortunate (in my eyes) circumstance.

The flutter in my chest every time I spoke about what I loved doing was not for others to appreciate me. It was because I needed this. It was what I wanted to do. The very thing that made me get up so early in the morning was passion —not the fascination of looking good in front of others or being praised. This newfound thought made me realize something. Something that calmed the tears that traced down my scrunched-up and confused face in hurt:

Nothing we’ve ever given has gone unnoticed. Every sacrifice we’ve made, Allah has seen it. If no one acknowledges our hard work, the dedication and passion we put towards what we do, know that Allah acknowledges us. He knows all that we do, and He will reward us with something so unimaginable that we’ll wonder why we craved others’ acknowledgements in the first place.

And maybe that very reward in my case, and at that very moment, was clarity. Pure intention. Igniting a passion within me that can exist without needing to be fed by simple words of appreciation from man. And hope, to continue to do what I love.