hysterical

my heart cries,
smiles
and laughs
all at the same time
it doesn’t make sense.

my mind chooses not to block out the thoughts
instead it overworks itself,
overthinking being the culprit of it crashing
dizziness overtaking me
every time.

my eyes, searching
for a place far more homelier than here
where the stars shine brighter
and the moon glistens a color I don’t see anywhere else
where I breathe flowers,
and exhale
the words you spoke.

where the excitement in your voice
rings in my ears,
I cherish every moment.

instead I’m far,
trapped
my focus not quite
where I need it to be at times.

always running
towards the seemingly impossible,
quite unsure of what is to
come.

scared
hopeless
here, I feel lonely.

I know the cause
—I can’t help it.

these nails have ripped jagged,
aching lines into my heart.
these scars have long past formed
to be fixed.

and
I don’t know
what
I am to do

with my crying
smiling, laughing
hysterical heart
or with being so
far.

2 thoughts on “hysterical

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